Sunday, June 27, 2010

parrots, bears and parrot-bears

the barrot is a crossing of the common bear and the common parrot. mostly parrot with subtle bear characteristics, the barrot is easily recognized by its distinctly baritone mating call. a favored dinner meat among any chef worth his/her salt, the barrot displays a bouquet of voluptuous chocolate and tobacco, softly spiced with lots of tropical fruit. exceptionally showy on the palate, unsubtle low notes and a bit of wet rainbow dog on a leathery finish.

the pear, by contrast, in not an animal but a fruit with a texture similar to either this:
or this:

i know what you were thinking though, earlier, when you learned about barrots. following the phonetic logic, you were thinking that a pear would be the unique marriage of bear and parrot. but that genetically spliced wunderkind is properly known as psittaciformes ursus and it's still in lab.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


visitswar: this is a do-it-yourself mousetrap situation. the mouse crosses the 2x4 bridge to get to the peanut butter smeared  on the coke can. once the mouse is on the coke can, the can rotates on the bent hanger causing little mouse to loose its balance and fall into the huge  pail of antifreeze.  this is effective, cheap and apparently the mouse becomes sort of preserved in the antifreeze so it doesn't smell bad after it dies. this awful contraption ( though i  must say very clever)  is what mice would call a ' visitswar' .  
p.s. uncaught does not support the war on mice or the use of 'visitswars'


Lodong: see photo.
Example: ' hey hon, let 's go fishing- can you make sure the lodong, rods and bait are in the tackle?- thanks' 


this is an example of a fine place to retire.  a fine place to retire is called a ' later' . this fabulous ' later' can be found near cobourg ontario.  i get first dibs. 


this little guy is so much trouble with his hooks and cute looks, that you don't have time to spell 'trouble' so he is just called trubl. don't let him catch yah. i mean captcha ( get it ? ) 

on useless

this comes up every time you try to terminate your facebook account.
useless is ON.

trying to cancel facebook is like trying to cancel your legs. it's complicated and requires effort, know-how and tools. merely clicking the 'submit' button is like clicking your eyelids shut at the end of the day. guess what: tomorrow you will still have facebook, feet, ankles, knees and thighs. some things are not so easy to sever. social networking is one of them.

oh facebook, i wish i knew how to quit you.