Sunday, January 12, 2014


Dingful is a noun and a second cousin of 'earful' or 'eyeful'.
A dingful could be a snippet of information gleaned from a bathroom wall that immediately and permanently inscribes itself on the brain. The kind of information that, if heard, can never be unheard or, if seen, can never be unseen. A dingful isn't easily forgotten.

Saturday, April 13, 2013


Ruainte : Slang  command 
(Are - you - 'aint) : Ruainte - roughly means "no your not" 
example of usage: 
a) "Ruainte gonna go in that Lobster club ! " 
b) "Ruainte gonna eat that strawberry rhubarb lattice crust pie on a sandy beach ! " 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


Enceni: Noun
Pronounced:\ eN-SeN-EEE \
1.Piles of house junk that are too big to be garbage but too bedbug infested to be recycled.
They are colloquially called "Enceni" derived from the word "Incinerator" - suggesting that these piles SHOULD be incinerated.
"When are they gonna take that Enceni away ? it's blocking the view of that barren field and that beige row of tract housing. I love watching the sun crest on that bleak prairie with the hydraulic excavators and Backhoe loaders crawling across the horizon".

Sunday, January 8, 2012


grousl (noun)

if human: a form of emotional rabies prevalent during the first week of january characterized by the desperate emergency snacking of expired, mold-blanketed sauces, jellies and mayonnaises at the back of the refrigerator to retain that festive anything-goes december feeling.

if non-human: same definition but substitute compost-bin for refrigerator

rumored to have originated from the german word "grüsel," meaning "creep."

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Fulton shettion

Fulton shettion : -noun
1. a likeness/ portrait of a coffee as a painting, drawing or photograph.
" that is a captivating series of Fulton shettion photographs, they really express an acute sense of isolation while addressing notions the everyday and post-structuralist feminism. The palette is trés upstate NY , laden with ennui. Sad coffee, lonely coffee, it's so now."

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Shwingi : any kind of object that you attach to your pants around your bum area to attract attention to your bum area. The snap-klip ( 70's ? ) was made for attaching Shwingi. Please note the snap-klip is fashionable, durable and rust-free.
When someone succeeds in attracting attention to their bum area someone might say "Shwing". [ Shaawing !].


isierat :
1) Is a question - it is a shortened form of " is he a rat? " [ iz-ee-a ratt? ] It is typically asked by suburb dwellers who haven't had coffee yet and who have never seen a rat. Suburb dwellers often mistake lost pet rabbits, puppies, teacup chihuahua's, squirrels and hairless cats for rats.
2) Is a statement - shortened form of " he is a rat" [eeeeez-ah-ratt !]. This form is used by someone who is very drunk on 'apple pie martinis' to refer to their boyfriend who has been caught cheating.
now more pictures of my cute squirrel :How to make an apple pie martini:
1 and a 1/2 parts vanilla liqueur
1 part Vodka
2 parts apple cider
1 tsp of cinnamon
squeeze of lime
Pour ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice, shake well, strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


noses. noses is an ancient noseless gang founded by these guys. they are no longer accepting new members. the only way you could have joined is if you also didn't have a nose. also strictly prohibited was the use of any homonym of "nose", ie. "knows". noses was probably more of a club than a gang - a club whose favorite activities included heavy talk of how things presumably smell.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


a cryme is a musical indiscretion committed by those who may or not play dungeons and didgeridoos. flailing somewhere in the musical waves that separate the powerballads from the boybands, a cryme ALWAYS begins with your back to the audience. every live performance of a cryme aspires to bring you to tears with an impassioned display of rule-breakiness and repeated chest poundings. rife with risque euphemisms about masturbation, cryme lyrics always include the words "cry" and "crime":

sample 1
CRY to crime
CRY to crime
CRY to crime
Won't you cry to crime ? (x2)

sample 2
It's not a crime for a man to cry, cry, cry
Sample the flavor of long-withheld tears
Just as falling rain is a kind of beauty
It's better to hold this opportunity well, and cry once
[It's not a crime]

sample 3
I will cry tonight, I will cry tonight, and my hands we cannot stop this crime.
I will cry tonight, I will cry tonight, and my sword has lost the eternal fight.

see also:
cryminal, crymage, crymudgeon

Friday, September 10, 2010


when something is so manly it encompasses all manhood, manliness - it is so whole that it is holy. there is only one word to express the awe inspired by such manly mannesss.
'immen' .
it's like on Oprah when they sing ' i'm every woman' - this is the man version - ' i'm men'
this psychic fisherman in a box at the duty free crossing en route to NY inspires one to say 'immen - immen to that brother' .


a turbulent food state. you know- when the food is so unstable it is still moving on your plate? food in throil looks as if it is in the throws of passion (with itself) , in the eye of a hurricane or still boiling.
this is a black forest cake in a state of throil.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


flast = flask blast.

a state achieved exclusively by drinking moonshine from a handmade ceramic flask embellished with a boombox, courtesy of tim ayers. if you're sicker than this dog, chances are pretty good that you have had a flast.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

grave fritters

a grave fritter is an unidentifiable bit of deep-fried food that lives in your couch. it took up residence months ago when it fell into the abyss between cushions while you were distracted by reality tv. you exhume it accidentally while searching for the remote. it is probably still pretty tasty and maybe even worth something.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


Turzo : Turzo is a form of graffiti, from Italy. The Turzo-er (Turzo artist) applies graffiti onto existing, typically historic, monumental sculpture in such a way that it responds, highlights or addresses the form or meaning of the existing sculpture. This is different from regular graffiti which is just image/ text applied onto a wall. Turzo is typically humorous, political and unfortunately illegal. Some people think the word comes from combining Turf and Zone, but they are wrong.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

parrots, bears and parrot-bears

the barrot is a crossing of the common bear and the common parrot. mostly parrot with subtle bear characteristics, the barrot is easily recognized by its distinctly baritone mating call. a favored dinner meat among any chef worth his/her salt, the barrot displays a bouquet of voluptuous chocolate and tobacco, softly spiced with lots of tropical fruit. exceptionally showy on the palate, unsubtle low notes and a bit of wet rainbow dog on a leathery finish.

the pear, by contrast, in not an animal but a fruit with a texture similar to either this:
or this:

i know what you were thinking though, earlier, when you learned about barrots. following the phonetic logic, you were thinking that a pear would be the unique marriage of bear and parrot. but that genetically spliced wunderkind is properly known as psittaciformes ursus and it's still in lab.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


visitswar: this is a do-it-yourself mousetrap situation. the mouse crosses the 2x4 bridge to get to the peanut butter smeared  on the coke can. once the mouse is on the coke can, the can rotates on the bent hanger causing little mouse to loose its balance and fall into the huge  pail of antifreeze.  this is effective, cheap and apparently the mouse becomes sort of preserved in the antifreeze so it doesn't smell bad after it dies. this awful contraption ( though i  must say very clever)  is what mice would call a ' visitswar' .  
p.s. uncaught does not support the war on mice or the use of 'visitswars'


Lodong: see photo.
Example: ' hey hon, let 's go fishing- can you make sure the lodong, rods and bait are in the tackle?- thanks' 


this is an example of a fine place to retire.  a fine place to retire is called a ' later' . this fabulous ' later' can be found near cobourg ontario.  i get first dibs.